JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
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Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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