grandma shit on top of the toilet
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, beer. Big fan.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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