you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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