Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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