i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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