You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize