I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize