Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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