you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
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Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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