I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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