U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
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You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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