Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You ate ashes out of my bong
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize