guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize