Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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