Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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