i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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