The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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