I am puke
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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