Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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