Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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