With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
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I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
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I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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