you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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