Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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