just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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