my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize