Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
