They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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