Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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