It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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