I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
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Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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