i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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