you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
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he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Even my vagina gasped.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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