Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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