im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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