sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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