u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
whose ass print is on the piano?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize