I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
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I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
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not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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