Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize