he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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