I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
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Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
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This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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