how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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