thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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