After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
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Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The air taste purple.
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