farters have to be the big spoon...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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