I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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