I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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