drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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