cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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