All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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