if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
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