Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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