Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize